Altitude Sickness

It's scary. Like really scary. You cry a lil. You shake. You can't sleep, you toss and turn, your lungs feel like their getting squeezed together. You can feel the atmospheric pressure pushing down on your miserable body. You get gassy: you burp, you fart, you can hear the bubbles traveling and caught inside.

You get up to pee 100 times. You're constantly thirsty and even have the fear of drinking too much and draining out your own sodium and dying.

You chew leaves. At the beginning you were putting 4-7 in your mouth, now you just jam a handful in. You drink the tea. You drink Gatorade. 

You walk around with your arms above your head doing various variations of breathing exercises you've done in yoga classes. You watch a sky full of stars. You walk back to your bed.

You can't sleep, so you google. And there's only two possibilities: either you are on the road to adapting and it's rough or you can't adapt- yup, like Darwin says, if you can't adapt you die.

If I go down, when I come back will I have to face these conditions again? Will they be worse?

You don't know. "Am I waiting to get better or worse?" 

It's not just physical, it fucks with your emotional. You even wonder if you're already going crazy/delirious from the lack of oxygen. Like, is it too late? Can I even get myself on a bus back to a lower altitude? 

How do people go so high? How do people live in places so high?

I took living at zero meters of altitude and breathing for granted. And my body. I hate my body. My genetic composition. My shitty physical conditions. 

Yup. Where are my red blood cell thingies now?? Did I donate them all when I gave blood? 

Body, please adapt. Don't be my barrier.

This place is beautiful! I want to wander. I want to enjoy. 

I can't figure out if this is mind over matter/body. I can't tell if tolerating it will be worth it, but I am hanging on to the faith that not many people feel better within 1-2 days and maybe I need a week to ride it out.